Dancing W/Stars - Episode 5, Elimination #4

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Last week Judge Len Goodman was frustrated over the stars’ collective lack of commitment and dedication on “Dancing With the Stars”

After giving out just one 10 all season, the judges dished out four of them during Monday night’s performance show, including three to Olympic speed skater Apolo Anton Ohno and his partner Julianne Hough that gave the duo the first perfect 30 of the year and catapulted Ohno and Hough into serious competitor status. How great of a dance was that. Apolo and Julianne were HOT HOT HOT!!!

On a night when the dancers were asked to give their most sensual rumbas or sexiest sambas, the fabric on their attire might have been lacking, but the compliments most certainly were not — for the most part.

Interestingly, a week after Len admonished the group for not practicing as much as contestants from previous seasons, the focus was on some of stars’ other commitments that are keeping them off the dance floor throughout the week. Not surprisingly, it was basketball star Clyde Drexler and country-singer-turned-family-comedy-actor Billy Ray Cyrus who appeared to have the least amout of time to practice and received the judges’ worst scores with 13 and 17, respectively.

Time for a man to go home
It was a night on “Dancing” that finally separated the distinct levels of talent in the bunch. This should signal the beginning of the end for the show’s male dominance thus far. All four eliminated stars have been women, but that must end this week.

Ex-“Beverly Hills, 90210” star Ian Ziering started things off saying that he didn’t want be called “McStiffy” again — and can you really blame him? Ian’s criticism from the previous week was that he was too uptight and was thinking about his movements too much while performing.

During rehearsals, Ian pleaded with partner Cheryl Burke to change an upper-body shimmy because he felt like it was a little feminine. She made him keep it, and the ladies in the crowd — including judge Carrie Ann Inaba — went wild when he pulled it off. But Carrie Ann pulled out the “you think a lot … while you’re dancing” card on Ian, who was left to mope off the floor in his black, sleeveless, button-up shirt. The judges gave Ian and Cheryl 8s across the board for a total of 24. A low score I thought. He did better than that.

Then it was Clyde’s turn to try to get away with as little movement on the dance floor as possible, but only after a clip about his midweek trip to China due to a prior basketball-related commitment.

His partner, Elena Grinenko, made the trip with him but it didn’t really seem to help. Clyde looked as if he had cement shoes while he watched Elena do her half of a rumba around him to the tune of Marvin Gaye’s “What’s Going On?” It was fitting, because Clyde didn’t seem to have any idea.

Carrie Ann told Clyde he’s the worst dancer in the competition. To pour some salt on the wound, Carrie Ann pointed out Clyde’s illegal lift that would cost him a point and brought her score for him down to a 4. Len gave him a 5 and Bruno Tonioli gave another 4 for a total of 13, tying the worst score of the season. Elena said afterward that the move wasn’t supposed to be a lift, it was supposed to be a pose but Clyde’s height … eh, whatever.

Mills takes a spill
All season, viewers have been waiting for the moment when Heather Mills’ artificial leg would fly off during a performance. But what would happen if she actually fell over while trying to stand on the fake limb?

Well, now that’s just awkward and uncomfortable for everyone.

Heather was a trooper, though, getting up quickly and laughing it off.

It didn’t hurt that there were chest-waxing jokes to be told. Rewind to the rehearsal footage of Heather and partner Jonathan Roberts for a “40-Year-Old Virgin”-inspired bit of chest waxing that provided countless seconds of amusement.


The opening move of the couple’s samba to Tavares’ “Heaven Must Be Missing An Angel,” had Heather sneaking up from behind Jonathan and snapping his vest wide open to reveal his freshly landscaped pectorals. But when Heather went to put her right leg on Jonathan’s chest, she wobbled a little and ultimately tipped over. Carrie Ann took a point off for the fall, but Heather and Jonathan finished with a 21. I wish the judges would judge her based on her dancing and not her disability. She did not deserve a 21, nor has she deserved the scores she has gotten. Her dance as well as her costume were horrible.

Joey Fatone is getting a little full of himself. After scoring the only 10 of the season last week, Joey got a little too silly this time even though he was trying to be more serious about his rumba to the classic “Besame Mucho.” And, no, Sanjaya Malakar wasn’t on hand to sing it as he did last week on “American Idol.” Joey was too much of a caricature, as Carrie Ann put it, and the judges bumped him and partner Kym Johnson down a notch with a 25.

John Ratzenberger came to play, which was a good thing because he was taking on the free-spirited Brazilian samba to “Love is in the Air.”
John was a comeback kid in his own right, finishing the dance with partner Edyta Sliwinska lying on her back over a bongo drum and beating her tummy with the palms of his hands. Bruno called it “one of the best worst sambas I’ve seen,” and Carrie Ann gave him a standing ovation. John finished in the bottom two last week, but his performance could keep him around another week, despite his score of 18.

Laila Ali and partner Maksim Chmerkovskiy took on the rumba under the watchful eye of Ali’s fiancé, ex-NFL player Curtis Conway, who provided some fun moments watching the couple practice the romantic movements with a suspicious look on his face. Laila gave it her all and Maks seemed to put himself on the line, working the seductive moves to the tune of Corinne Bailey Rae’s “Put Your Records On,” and to the tune of a perfect 10 from Len. Bruno and Carrie Ann offered up 9s for a 28 total.

Apolo was next and absolutely dominated, saying that he had to get the samba right for his partner, Julianne, because it’s her favorite dance. Her close attention to detail paid off with the first perfect 30 of the year, moving Apolo and Julianne out of that “good but not a real threat” level.

Finally, Billy Ray came on to do a rumba that clearly made him uncomfortable. His partner, Karina Smirnoff, tried to get him to let loose and give into the romance of the dance, but Billy Ray wasn’t having it. He said “it does seem like a dance you’d want to do in the dark,” and after one look at his sleeveless lavender shirt, a blackout in the studio was the best viewers could hope for.

Alas, the lights stayed on and we were forced to endure the visual wreck that was Billy Ray’s rumba. After what he called the busiest week of his life, now that he’s filming “Hannah Montana” again and working on a new album, Billy Ray had one of the worst dances of the night and the score, a 17, reflected it. His face did, too. Billy Ray was pouting the rest of the night and stared, stone-faced, at the camera as the final credits rolled and the rest of the gang playfully danced around him.

While Clyde deserves to get the boot, he’ll likely stick around another week, which leaves Billy Ray and John to battle it out over who goes home tomorrow night. Although Billy Ray should go home, I don't think the Disney fan base will allow it so I am predicting John to leave this week.

Come back tomorrow for the results!

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This week’s “Dancing With The Stars” performances inspired very different responses from last week’s performances. Specifically, the judges disliked almost everything last week and complained about the work ethic, but this week, they highly praised several dances and started giving out 10s in a manner not quite so stingy.

This didn’t apply to everyone, though, meaning that somebody would go. Probably someone tall. Very tall. Maybe an athlete. Any ideas?

Of course, it didn’t take a genius to know that the encore dance would be Apolo Anton Ohno and Julianne Hough’s samba, considering that it got a perfect score — the first perfect score of the season. As is often the case, the dance on second viewing was even more fun than it had been the first time, because it seemed so relaxed and comfortable without scoring to worry about.

Apolo and Julianne are well positioned to win the competition, as proved by the anticipatory screaming of the audience before judge Len Goodman could even get Apolo’s name out. Of course, their repeat of their samba was also good news in that it further ensured that none of us will ever get “I like to move it, move it” out of our heads any time in the next, say, three weeks.

The first exhibition dance of the evening was from the collection of pros who went on this year’s “Dancing” tour, doing a swing dance to “Zoot Suit Riot.” With all the musical crimes that have been committed on a show that thinks the “Star Wars” theme is a tango, it’s sometimes perfectly delightful to see people commit to a straight-up, totally conventional performance executed very well. Here, the pros put tremendous energy into the swing, with Cheryl Burke and Louis Van Amstel looking particularly marvelous. As filler goes, this was of high quality, full of tricks and fun.

During a backstage chat with co-host Samantha Harris, Heather Mills explained that the reason she fell on Monday night was that she was supposed to raise her artificial leg and stand on her real leg, and instead, she tried to stand on the artificial leg. As we’ve learned in the past, she can’t balance on the artificial leg, so that’s how she wound up tumbling down. YAWN


This week’s audience response segment heavily featured Florence Henderson, who had apparently just dropped by on Monday night between nightclub shows. She called Apolo a “hot little number” and said that she almost cried when Heather fell down.

Lance Bass, meanwhile, dismissed any suggestion that the judges were too hard on Joey Fatone by suggesting that he was “feminine,” and Lance insisted that sometimes, Joey just needs a “kick in the pants.”

The first couple ushered to safety was Laila Ali and Maks Chmerkovskiy, which surprised no one. The second couple ushered to safety was John Ratzenberger and Edyta Sliwinska, which surprised everyone. John sat in the bottom two last week, and he didn’t dance all that much better this week, so it was clear that someone else was going to take a serious dive from previous scores.

More filler! Lisa Rinna, who charmed many during the show’s second season, returned for a special appearance in which she performed a number from “Chicago,” in which she’s about to appear on Broadway.
Lisa Rinna is going to be Roxie on Broadway, you ask? Yes, she is. And with that, she may be the “Dancing” contestant whose life has been most transformed by the experience. Her performance in the “Chicago” number looked a lot like many of her “Dancing” episodes: she wasn’t spectacularly good, but she was infectiously fun to watch. It was clear that she wanted nothing more than to put on a good show and please everyone and that she did.

Of course, it wouldn’t be a filler show without Jimmy Kimmel and “Guillermo” offering a demonstration of a dance planned for next week; in this case, it was the swing. After Jimmy was a little mean to Guillermo, Guillermo sought solace in the ladies’ room in the arms of Joey Fatone. If you are thinking that this could not possibly have happened, you are wrong. Host Tom Bergeron deftly remarked that this represented Joey’s “misguided attempt to prove his masculinity.”

Macy Gray felt the need to dedicate her performance to the victims of the recent shootings at Virginia Tech, a choice that was saved from utter inappropriateness by the generally sedate nature of the song and the fact that it was not accompanied by dancing. That is one fine line she was treading, though.

A segment on the show's makeup crew wasn’t as enlightening as one might expect, but there was certainly solid confirmation that there are just as many false eyelashes and fake tans as you think there are. It was a little bit of a cliché when Apolo started talking about how men don’t wear makeup in their day-to-day lives, given that it’s safe to say that women don’t wear this kind of makeup, either.

And then, with a few minutes of show left, we ran out of filler and moved on to the actual results referred to in the phrase “results show.” Joey and Apolo were both declared safe. This left Ian, Heather, Clyde, and Billy Ray, none of whom had ever been in the bottom two before. And after a ho-hum segment inviting the contestants to complain about how stressful judging is, it was time to learn who was in the bottom two. Ian managed to stay safe, then Clyde was finally sent under the Red Light of Doom, after many weeks of being saved by the audience. He was joined in the bottom two by Heather, who was faced with the prospect of being the fourth consecutive woman to be eliminated since the beginning of the competition, which would leave Laila alone with six men.

So who would be eliminated? Would the population of female contestants be instantly halved? It would not. Finally, after several weeks of deserving to go home, Clyde finally did, meaning that NBA fans aren’t quite as powerful as NFL fans, or that NBA fans have their limits as far as voting for people who are very, very bad dancers.

The bad news is that this leaves no one tall enough to change the light bulbs in the ballroom chandelier without standing on a ladder. The good news is that now, everyone who remains seems to be really trying his or her hardest in the competition, and that can only be a good thing.