Post by babybear on Oct 20, 2005 21:56:37 GMT -5
The Apprentice - Martha Stewart
Episode 5
Martha Does Dressing
Has anyone noticed that the opening to the show is one huge, giant brag? The Martha Stewart Living logo flashes by 100 times like some not so subtle brainwashing technique and I wouldn't be a bit surprised if it has some subliminal message in it that will force me to wake up tomorrow and race to the nearest Sears store to buy the new coordinating Martha Stewart Everyday hand towels. Everyday I disagree, if I paid what she wants for a facecloth nobody would even be allowed too touch it much less actually use it.
After those spared from being fired return from the conference room, right in the middle of the cheering and the signing of Ding Dong the Witch is Dead in celebration of Dawn being fired, the phone rings. Everyone stops like deer caught in the headlights and stare at the phone like they have no idea what it is never mind what to do about it.
Finally it's picked up and Mary Poppins tells them that the big M would like to see them all back in the conference room right this moment.
Now PEOPLE, NOW you must not keep her waiting! She's so disgusted by Matchstick's losing streak she has to tear them away from getting ready for bed and relaxing to reshuffle the teams. Can't tell she's used to getting what she wants can you? Was it really that pressing that it couldn't wait until morning?
Two people who have not gotten to thus far be project manager are picked to lead and they get to pick their new teams in the same manner 12 year olds pick teammates for dodge ball in gym class.
So the new teams are formed and Martha is satisfied that this is a good thing. I'm not nutsting you here, she actually used those words. I'm convinced that her life is one giant marketing ploy. I'm surprised Alexis wasn't born with "made by Martha Stewart" stamped on her ass.
After Martha's slaying of the French language they go back to the loft again to regroup.
Martha is far too busy at her farm in Bedford working on her magazine to actually meet them so the morning task assignment is done via video.
They have to create a special edition salad dressing for Wish Bone and sell it at some supermarket I'm sure Martha is associated with in some way. The team with the most dollar$ wins. Before leaving Martha is sure to plug her lettuce, grown at her farm in Bedford (yes we get it, you have a freaking farm), that she plans to eat with the dressings upon completion.
I won't bore you with the details on the actual making of the dressing because quite frankly it was boring so we'll cut to selling the product.
They made it seem that the selling took place the very next day however I'm quite sure that it's not possible for a company to make and package cases of dressing in one day, not to mention the printing of their designed labels. Can't pull the wool over my eyes.
So both dressings were good and both priced fairly evenly so what is going to determine a winner, Jim? His selling technique resembled a bad 80's game show host mixed with potty mouth. At one point he said something about someone having "f**king balls." Or not having them, I'm really not sure which. Anyhow keep in mind they are in a grocery store with children all over the place. A woman got offended and Primarius was spoken to by the store owner. But here's the thing... Jim sold 20% of the product by himself while Jen, the PM, sold 5 bottles.
Which brings me to Jen, she did nothing. Marcela created the recipe and made the dressing and Jim did the graphic design on the package. And she sure as hell wasn't selling anything so I guess her contribution was to make the salad for testing the dressing. Great leader.
The only disaster on the Matchstick side was Leslie pushing the salad dressing like a crack dealer. She actually put dressing in people's carts when they weren't looking.
Long story short Primarius lost. Then we are blessed with Charles and Alexis in this cheesy Wish Bone commercial. Dear God in heaven, a month ago I didn't know who the hell Charles was and I still probably wouldn't know him if I fell over him and how he's trying to sell me salad dressing. And the only thing I can say about Alexis is that her hair looked like a cat sucked on it.
Nothing exciting happened in the Conference Room and the only thing even mildly amusing was Martha's tiny individual salad dessing...jugs? Pitchers? d**n I don't know but they were prissy.
Charles sat there with an unlit cigar in his hand like he thinks he's pretty special and Alexis' eyes dart all around like she's either paranoid or she's having trouble following the conversation. Either way I blame the pot.
In the end, but not before Martha plugs Martha Stewart Living Omni Media ( we couldn't have a show where she didn't say that could we? ). Crazy Jim stays because being obnoxious apparently isn't as bad as being a non leader.
Bye Bye Jen!
written by babybear
Episode 5
Martha Does Dressing
Has anyone noticed that the opening to the show is one huge, giant brag? The Martha Stewart Living logo flashes by 100 times like some not so subtle brainwashing technique and I wouldn't be a bit surprised if it has some subliminal message in it that will force me to wake up tomorrow and race to the nearest Sears store to buy the new coordinating Martha Stewart Everyday hand towels. Everyday I disagree, if I paid what she wants for a facecloth nobody would even be allowed too touch it much less actually use it.
After those spared from being fired return from the conference room, right in the middle of the cheering and the signing of Ding Dong the Witch is Dead in celebration of Dawn being fired, the phone rings. Everyone stops like deer caught in the headlights and stare at the phone like they have no idea what it is never mind what to do about it.
Finally it's picked up and Mary Poppins tells them that the big M would like to see them all back in the conference room right this moment.
Now PEOPLE, NOW you must not keep her waiting! She's so disgusted by Matchstick's losing streak she has to tear them away from getting ready for bed and relaxing to reshuffle the teams. Can't tell she's used to getting what she wants can you? Was it really that pressing that it couldn't wait until morning?
Two people who have not gotten to thus far be project manager are picked to lead and they get to pick their new teams in the same manner 12 year olds pick teammates for dodge ball in gym class.
So the new teams are formed and Martha is satisfied that this is a good thing. I'm not nutsting you here, she actually used those words. I'm convinced that her life is one giant marketing ploy. I'm surprised Alexis wasn't born with "made by Martha Stewart" stamped on her ass.
After Martha's slaying of the French language they go back to the loft again to regroup.
Martha is far too busy at her farm in Bedford working on her magazine to actually meet them so the morning task assignment is done via video.
They have to create a special edition salad dressing for Wish Bone and sell it at some supermarket I'm sure Martha is associated with in some way. The team with the most dollar$ wins. Before leaving Martha is sure to plug her lettuce, grown at her farm in Bedford (yes we get it, you have a freaking farm), that she plans to eat with the dressings upon completion.
I won't bore you with the details on the actual making of the dressing because quite frankly it was boring so we'll cut to selling the product.
They made it seem that the selling took place the very next day however I'm quite sure that it's not possible for a company to make and package cases of dressing in one day, not to mention the printing of their designed labels. Can't pull the wool over my eyes.
So both dressings were good and both priced fairly evenly so what is going to determine a winner, Jim? His selling technique resembled a bad 80's game show host mixed with potty mouth. At one point he said something about someone having "f**king balls." Or not having them, I'm really not sure which. Anyhow keep in mind they are in a grocery store with children all over the place. A woman got offended and Primarius was spoken to by the store owner. But here's the thing... Jim sold 20% of the product by himself while Jen, the PM, sold 5 bottles.
Which brings me to Jen, she did nothing. Marcela created the recipe and made the dressing and Jim did the graphic design on the package. And she sure as hell wasn't selling anything so I guess her contribution was to make the salad for testing the dressing. Great leader.
The only disaster on the Matchstick side was Leslie pushing the salad dressing like a crack dealer. She actually put dressing in people's carts when they weren't looking.
Long story short Primarius lost. Then we are blessed with Charles and Alexis in this cheesy Wish Bone commercial. Dear God in heaven, a month ago I didn't know who the hell Charles was and I still probably wouldn't know him if I fell over him and how he's trying to sell me salad dressing. And the only thing I can say about Alexis is that her hair looked like a cat sucked on it.
Nothing exciting happened in the Conference Room and the only thing even mildly amusing was Martha's tiny individual salad dessing...jugs? Pitchers? d**n I don't know but they were prissy.
Charles sat there with an unlit cigar in his hand like he thinks he's pretty special and Alexis' eyes dart all around like she's either paranoid or she's having trouble following the conversation. Either way I blame the pot.
In the end, but not before Martha plugs Martha Stewart Living Omni Media ( we couldn't have a show where she didn't say that could we? ). Crazy Jim stays because being obnoxious apparently isn't as bad as being a non leader.
Bye Bye Jen!
written by babybear